Introducing Filthy Fairy Tales

FFT-Cover-Update

I love, love, LOVE the hybrid nature of my filthy fairy tales. They are stupid, funny and gonzo, while also being sexy as fuck, super-sweet, and even sort of romantic.

The fantasy in a fairytale allows us as writers to suspend rationality in a way that makes it easy for a reader to shed their mental inhibitions.

In a fairytale, we can set the ridiculous next to people being people, drizzle our chapters in you know what, and ultimately leave readers satisfied and smiling.

I knew these stories would be fun to write, but had no idea how much fun they would be. I will happily write followup fairy tales for many years to come if people love them, and I was supremely disappointed in their original performance.

I think a lot of that had to do with the original cover, which used a boring stock photo and did nothing to capture the manic whimsy of these stories.

Fortunately, the S&S guys shelled out for a gorgeous new cover and are letting me try again. I’ll be posting an excerpt tomorrow from Snow White, which is my favorite of the three stories.

For now, here is a short description for each of the filthy fairy tales. This is totally, thoroughly, NSFW. You have been warned. 🙂

The Slutty Little Mermaid
The Slutty Little Mermaid is so loosely based on Hans Christian Andersen’s tale, that the only thing it really has in common with the original is that this story also has a mermaid, and the original mermaid, like our Bianca, probably also wanted a pussy, though Hans was way too uptight to write about that since it was like 300 years before E.L. James wrote 50 Shades.

In this filthy version of the classic story, the mermaid Bianca is sick and tired of living under her father, King Piston’s iron fist, and curious about the filthy naughty bacchanals she sees happening with the humans on the orgy boats that sail the seas above her kingdom.

The mermaid’s father, being sort of a cock, prevents Bianca from watching what the humans are doing, as well as partaking in any way. Because she’s like every other girl who ever lived (mermaid or not), this only makes Bianca long harder.

The Slutty Little Mermaid proves that grownup fairytales are better when their full of blow jobs, sex, orgies, swapping, and pretty much anything else your depraved mind might think of.

Picockio
The story of Picockio is so ridiculously awesome, it’s amazing that no one ever thought of it before. With a premise of something that grows larger and larger along with the lies it was really only a matter of time before someone wrote a story with a line like, “That’s right, Picockio, just like that!! Keep lying to me!!” I’m thrilled it was me. No lie: This story will scratch every itch in your pants.

The tale starts when Giganto, a rather stereotypical Italian inventor, finishes creating his best life’s work, “a sexbot to end all sexbots” and wishes upon a blue star (The Smoking Hot Fairy) for his sexbot to turn into a real man.

Picockio is lured through many temptations, the most exciting taking him to Orgasm Island, where our wooden membered hero gets fucked sucked and fondled until he learns the most important lesson a “real man” can ever learn: It’s always MOST important to please your woman.

Snow White and the 7 Kinky Dwarves
This story is a lot like the original, except everyone in this version is a giant pervert and every chapter is sticky. This story has a wicked queen, but she’s an even bigger cunt than in previous tellings.

As in the original, she’s super jealous because she’s no longer the fairest in the land, but this time she finds out from a magic mirror who has been watching Snow White shining her diamond (though not until she turned 18, of course!).

After getting the huntsman to rub her out (insert your own joke) Snow White must escape through the forest. Because the story is well-paced, the princess doesn’t spend too long in the forest and quickly ends up with the dwarves. These are kinky dwarves and not regular dwarves, so there’s a ton of nasty naughty ensuing inside that cottage. I don’t want to ruin the story for you, but things do get sticky fast.

Tomorrow I’ll post an excerpt from Snow White. If you can’t wait, you can get this book on Amazon here.

Comments

  1. You’re not concerned with potential lawsuits for copyright infringement for that cover?

    Pinocchio and Snow White are both ripped directly from Disney’s versions, so even if they’re in public domain story wise (I have no idea if they are or not, but I would assume so), I’m pretty sure that Disney still have the rights to the design of their characters as they have created them, which is violated here.

    The cover is beautiful, but I wouldn’t take that risk.

    • The worst that would happen is a cease and desist, then we’d have to use the old cover. The interior is nothing like the Disney stories. If it reached Disney’s attention, then that means it would be selling and I’ll consider that a quality problem. I didn’t ask for that style at all, but am an easy client and wasn’t going to ask the awesome artist (Donovan) to redo his work. It passed Dave’s “I hate and am suspicious of everything” outlook so I figure it’s fine for now.

      As opposed to other things, which would require a complete overhaul, this is a simple swap out at the worst, meaning we wasted money on the cover (and hopefully made up for it in sales), but kept all the creative in tact. It would also give us something to talk about on the podcast!

      • Haha – no, I get that the stories have nothing to do with Disney. I wasn’t implying that either.

        I think Donovan did a great job with the cover, and it’s beautiful, but Disney wouldn’t be my first choice of a company to go in clinch with. But if you’re sure about it only being a cease and desist kind of thing, it’s of course another case 🙂

        I’m sure the cover will help the sales numbers go up, because it immediately tells a story that supports the title in the best possible way.

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